Book Review of Excuses Begone! by Dr. Wayne Dyer
When I first saw this book in the store, I thumbed through it and landed on a section entitled “Don’t complain, don’t explain.” The words spoke to me and drew me to the book, as I have long been a master at both negative behaviors. Author Wayne Dyer defends his advice, saying when one tries to make herself right or understood, she is bringing her ego into the picture, while at the same time, dealing with “doubts and antagonisms from those who don’t share the same view.” Complaining is a form of excuse-making, putting the blame on someone or something else, not taking the responsibility for whatever one encounters in life. Instead of coaxing the reader to learn to explain more succinctly, or to change the tone of a complaint, Dyer simply advises “keeping things to yourself and stay connected to your spiritual side, that place inside you that doesn’t need to be right or make someone else wrong.”
Wayne Dyer draws much of his beliefs and advice from the Tao spiritual force, often quoting Lao-tzu. He repeatedly tells the reader “You have the ability to change your beliefs and change who you are.” Thus, Dyer’s guidance directs one to the more peaceful side to solve a dilemma. He frequently tells the reader : “Act from the Divine spirit within you.” This book can mostly be characterized as a self-help book, aimed at coaching the reader to analyze her actions of excuse-making and the payoffs from each one. It is well-agreed that awareness is half the battle.
One section is devoted to various kinds of excuses and some discussions of each. Another section discusses seven life –changing principles. The last section of the book is devoted to “payoffs” and actions to “reverse these payoffs.”
Wayne Dyer catches almost all the known excuses within his list of eighteen: the problem is too different, too risky, takes too long, can’t afford it, no help, not strong enough, too old, no energy, too busy, too scared, etc.. He discusses each excuse and dismisses each with a guiding word to the reader to find the Divine Godlike person within herself. Peace comes when one “ignores the worry of something with risk” and places the focus on more positive thoughts. Easier said than done.
The Seven Life- Changing Principles include: Awareness of how we are stuck and the infinite potential within each of us that can make us recover, Alignment or adjusting our energy with that of the Divine energy, Being fully in the present Now and not wasting thought on the past or on worries of the future, Contemplation or creating the life you desire by concentrating on the life you want as an expression of the Spirit, Willingness to surrender to something greater than your ego and admitting that you are a product of the choices you have made in life, Passion or enthusiasm for something that enables you to stay in-spired or in the Spirit, and Compassion which is in the act of serving others and affirming ones purpose to be here and be God-like.
Dyer quotes Lao-tzu, saying: “If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” Wayne Dyer believes our mind is constantly contemplating something throughout our waking day. He admonishes us not to waste valuable time giving attention to thoughts that are self-defeating, non-productive, or untrue.
One of the most intriguing concepts I found in the book is the statement that “Our most important problems cannot be solved; they must be outgrown.” Quite thought-provoking if you let it sink in. I understood this to mean that we must learn to look at a problem from a different perspective. We must grow in confidence and knowledge in order to change our response, which in time, has the potential to solve the problem.
The last section of the book is devoted to pay-offs and reversals. A pay-off is the psychological reward we receive for our excuses, whether it be avoiding inconvenience, avoiding any emotional risk, taking the easy way out, manipulating others to do what we want, feeling superior, removing responsibility for ourselves and putting the blame on someone else, or retreating to a feeling of security we felt as a child. So when we find ourselves making an excuse in a situation, we should use this opportunity to look under the surface to find what the pay off is. With some effort we can discover the reward that causes our ego to continue this self-defeating pattern.
There’s hope and practicality at the end of the book! Dyer discusses several suggestions to reverse this negative pattern of rewarding payoffs.
He suggests: Act on something we have always avoided in the past, Think of an occasion to take a trip without an itinerary, Let others be right, Fully realize that no one can make us feel anything without our consent, Ask ourselves in times of dejection if we want to waste this moment with this lost thought, and Align ourselves by connecting our energy to the Divine realm.
I found it an interesting exercise to be made aware of the various psychological games we play in our daily lives. Wayne Dyer has uncovered the mystery and revealed our strategy, though we may not have realized the exact cause of our actions ourselves. I felt some of his suggestions to change our thinking lacked depth and practicality, being easier said than done. However, if one tries ANY of the last chapter reversal suggestions, there may possibly be a corresponding positive pay off. I think I’ll give it a try, starting with “Letting others be right” – some of the time.
One final note: I shared the points in this book with my husband, emphasizing the point “Don’t complain, don’t explain.” A few days ago I was caught in an effort to explain some action of mine that he didn’t agree with or wasn’t interested in, and he mirrored: “So, are you trying to explain?” His words brought an immediate awareness of an habitual behavior that I was unaware I was doing. In light of this revelation, I would like to add a suggestion to the ones in the book. Enlist the assistance of a trusted friend (an external mirror) by mutual-agreement, to flag your behaviors when they reflect a specific self-defeating action described in this book. The result might be a hidden benefit of a message from the book.
To purchase this book click here:
Excuses Begone!: How to Change Lifelong, Self-Defeating Thinking Habits
